Nothing is limiting me and that's the problem.

When I was a child, like most children, I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be. Overwhelmed with the possibilities, I declared that I was going to be everything. I wanted to be a pilot, a scientist, an explorer, a writer, an artist, an actor, a singer, the president of the United States. I was going to change the world for the better and inspire millions. I was going to do it all. Of course some one told me that I couldn't do it all. No one could. But I thought that I could because I was smart, talented, and pretty. I was told that I was all those things not just by my parents but by teachers, friends, and even strangers. Since I had all this going for me, I thought that I have to use all the gifts I've been given. It would be a waste not to.

Now I'm 21 and I have no clue what to do with my life. I hear a lot of people are in the same boat as me, they have no clue what to do with their life, either. But most of those people say things like "I'm not good at anything" or "There isn't anything I want to do" or "I won't be able to do that." I don't say those things. No, I say "I'm good at too many things,""There are too many things I want to do," and "I could do anything." I'm not saying this to be boastful or conceited. It is just the truth. I have too many options. The only thing limiting me is myself... and I'm doing a terrible job of it.

I had a breakdown last year that finally made me realize that I need to take a break from it all. I love college, I love learning. But I can't do it any more. I can't do anything any more.

That's when I took a semester off and learned how to breathe... and I made the brilliant decision to change my major from Pre-Art Therapy to TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) during my junior year of college... which guarantees that I will not only be a fifth year senior but most likely a sixth year senior.

So why the change? I realized that would be miserable and perfectly terrible at being a therapist. It is too taxing to deal with people's problems head on, especially when the relationship I have with those people is not a symbiotic one. Can't do it. Now what?

Over the semester I've been reading a lot of blogs of English teachers from all over the world and I started to wonder if that might be right for me. My first true love is traveling, after all. I love the English language and excelled in English courses. I tutored people in high school and college for English and Lit. Courses. Maybe I could do this.

So that's where my life is now. And a note to those younger than me, still struggling on what to do... I've discovered that you don't need to make those decisions right now. We will get there eventually.

Pura Vida!

A couple weeks ago, I got back from Costa Rica... and gurl, let me tell you, it was amazing. The focus of the trip was a short term mission's trip (or as I like to call them, vacations with a purpose) where the team went up to the mountains to build a church for the natives that live there. Basically, we were ministering to our brothers and sisters in Christ who don't have the time or the money to build a place where they can come and worship. (For those who are reading this, I know that this is a lot of Christian-ese.) This trip was one of the most challenging and most rewarding trip I've ever been on.

Tea Time

I work as a barista at a local coffeehouse so it goes without saying that I love (good) coffee but I also love (again, good) tea. So yesterday I decided to throw a tea party, complete with finger sandwiches, tea cakes, and an assortment of cheeses.

I used my mom's china (that we NEVER use), mom's velvet place mats, and got some cute paper napkins from T.J. Maxx (my soul mate).

I made a Red Berries Lemonade with the Red Berries herbal tea we sell at the coffeehouse and frozen lemonade concentrate. The chocolate fudge is from the grocery store. I might be an aspiring future Martha Stewart (sans criminal record) but I do have a life and decided not to make everything from scratch.

I love (good) cheeses! I picked up an imported Swiss cheese, Italian Fontinella, and Brie to go along with Buckwheat crackers from Le Pain des Fleurs. The flowers are from the garden and the tiny pots around the flowers are filled with different kinds of loose leaf teas.

I picked Harney and Sons' Holiday tea (perfect with honey) for the tea. It is a spiced black tea that comes in cloth sachets rather than paper (which can leave a gross paper taste in the tea).

I finally got myself a Madeleine pan! I use to make these French tea cakes all the time in middle school and high school and now I finally got the proper pan! And no tea party is complete without finger sandwiches. I made peppered beef cucumber sandwiches with a chives mustard butter spread. According to my mother, these are the best tea sandwiches she has had since she went to England.

Happy Birthday to Me!

A year ago, I had a "quarter-life crisis" and created this blog so I would be motivated to make my life fulfilling and exciting. One year later, I am 21 and realized that I haven't been doing well with keeping the blog up to date with my adventures, failures, and accomplishments. I went to Belize and I have no pictures to show for it. I did some awesome sculptures and ceramic pieces and didn't post it. I think this is a sign for me to start to check off one of the items on my 5 year list... a year of pictures.

It's such a daunting task but what better year than this one for me to take pictures? I'm turning the big 2-1! Exciting stuff! I'm going to study abroad in the Spring. Where? The south of France! My family is building a house out in the country this year and we will be getting horses! So many things are going to happen this year so it would be a disservice to me not to take pictures!

Here's to a good year!

Off to Belize

A month ago, my friend told me how the science department at my college wants to take a group down to Belize during spring break for hands-on marine biology research. They needed more students to go on the trip so it was open to non-science majors. And that is why tomorrow morning I am getting on a plane to Belize.

The point of this blog is to motivate and to remind me to live life to the fullest. While this trip to Belize is not on my official bucket list, it will be another country I can check off... another place in this world where I left footprints.

This also provides a learning experience. This is the first time that I will be traveling abroad without an adult guiding me through the process. I bought the ticket. I will go through customs. I will pay for everything I need while I'm there. Sure, I will meet my professor at the airport and some of my friends are going on this trip as well, no one is going to hold my hand. It is exciting! This is helping me reach some of my goals on the 5 year bucket list by giving me experience with traveling alone.

Belize, here I come!

Comparison

"The Light is brighter when compared to the shadows."

Comparison and contrast allows us to define the world and establish a hierarchy. Whether it be what is the best cup of coffee or the prettiest flower, there needs to be a terrible cup of coffee or an ugly flower to compare the best/prettiest to.
So what about that age old question... what is beauty... and the more dreaded... what is ugly?
Women, along with men, have been plagued with these questions and their applications to their own life. A woman will look in the mirror and ask herself if she is pretty enough or a man will wonder if he is too ugly. We play this comparison game to see who will come up on top ("Sexist Man/Woman in the World") and who doesn't ("The Worst Celeb Beach Bodies").
We could ask why it even matters but we have asked ourselves that question far too many times and it still doesn't make a difference. For some reason, our looks do matter, be it for hygiene or mating calls, our appearance plays a role.
Thank goodness for different tastes! Most of my friends are guys and most of those guy friends end up telling me what they are attracted to. Their preferences are so diverse. One guy likes girls with breasts that are the size of "half an apple." One only likes girls who are a size 12 or bigger. One close guy friend of mine likes girls who a rather, and I quote, "dyke." Then there are girls and their preferences for guys. Some care about height. Some care about looks. Many only care about personality. I have one gal pal who is attracted to guys who are shorter than her (and she is only 5'7"). I have another friend who actually is turned off by super "manly" men (and, no, not all the guys she dated are gay... not stereotypically manly does not equal gay and vice versa).
In fact, some of the things society has dubbed as ugly can actually be quite beautiful. Maybe that is the artist in me but I find those unique characteristics that come together to make a person beautiful. The large, bumpy nose is interesting... it's beautiful. The chubby girl with a pot belly is so cute that it's attractive. Not all the time, but maybe some of the things that are ugly by standards can actually be quite beautiful.

So It Begins

Goodbye teendom! Only your lack of responsibilities will be missed!

To celebrate my birthday and to kick off my 5 year list, I've already checked off something on my list: indoor skydiving.
I am in Galtinburg, TN for a family reunion (my dad's parents and his siblings' families) and for my birthday we went indoor skydiving.

That is a picture I took of my aunt.
I saw something like this on TV and I've always wanted to try it. It's like flying and it feels like skydiving but less dangerous and scary. Yay, fun and not scary! Hopefully, that's what the next 5 years will be like. Sure will be hard and challenging but it should be fun and for the most part enjoyable.

Here's to the next 5 years!

Go indoor skydiving - Completed on August 7, 2012